I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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