I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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