Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
