Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
