tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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