My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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