He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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