well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
