whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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