What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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