"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
