I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
