There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
