I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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