Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
