i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
