And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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