I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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