just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
