You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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