Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
