It's just like the Real World with babies
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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