i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
