I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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