I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
