Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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