The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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