You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
