I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
