When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
