He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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