i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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