so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
