Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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