1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
