11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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