matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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