I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
