i just had sex bonerless
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What a dumb baby whore.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
