is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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