since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You are a genius and a whore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
