we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
