what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
