Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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