the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
