this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
