ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
