I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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