you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
