I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
