Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
