I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
