I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
