I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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