My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
