I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize