Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
