It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
