I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
