Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
