I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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