Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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