dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
