Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
