You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
