i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
