well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
