The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
